In Eight Steps to Happiness Geshe-la says "'Self' and 'other' are relative terms, rather like 'this mountain' and 'that mountain ... 'This' and 'that' therefore depend upon our point of reference. This is also true of self and other. By climbing down the mountain of self, it is possible to ascend the mountain of other, and thereby cherish others as much as we presently cherish ourself."

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Try Softer

In preparing for a silent tranquil abiding weekend retreat in the Bay Area next month, I've been thinking a lot recently about holding the meditation object.

For ordinary activities we're usually told - and we tell ourselves - we need to try harder. But years ago I learned from a young woman who attended KMC NY to try softer. I'm not entirely sure what that means, but I find it beautiful and enjoy contemplating it.
I think the idea is to put effort into our practice, but not to have a tight mind about it. We are happy with what we're attempting but don't grasp at results. They will come naturally if we let them, assuming we have a good motivation and are following the instructions.

Gen Tharchin of Tharpaland tells us that meditation is not like storming a castle. We need to hear that, because when we first start meditating, that is often our tendency. We think that we are going to master meditation the way we've mastered other skills, with brute force, via a frontal assault. In many ways, meditation is the complete opposite of other activities. It's like a shy animal that can only be coaxed out of hiding by being quiet and not moving (aggressively storming after it is going to backfire).
There's a kind of toy water balloon that's particularly slippery and elusive: If you try to squeeze it, it will jump out of your hand. The only way to hold onto it is to let it rest in the palm of your hand. Meditation seems like that. (By the way, I like the way that echoes Pabongka Rinpoche's Lamrim book, which was edited by Trijang Rinpoche, titled Liberation in the Palm of Your Hand; not surprisingly, it's a lot like Joyful Path, but not as well organized.)

I enjoy and often find illuminating the discovery of the thought behind the thought, seeing what I'm really thinking. I noticed that I was seeing meditating as like balancing, feeling like I was on a tightrope, which later turned into a balance beam, when in fact I could view it as being on firm ground. No wonder I was having trouble holding onto my object.

Gen Khedrub often talks about meditation as "spending time with the object" and "letting some time pass." Our minds tend to be so busy, you'd think they'd appreciate a break, but that restless mind is a deeply ingrained habit.
I was even wondering if it's a bit like hanging out with a friend, although there's not even talking, so that's probably a bit of a stretch, but maybe it's helpful insofar as it suggests a mellow way to relax in an enjoyable way.

3 comments:

  1. I like: Finding your object is like letting a feather settle on your hand.

    or

    Holding the object is like holding a bar of soap: too soft and it slips away, too hard and it flies away.

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  2. PS, enjoy the tranquil abiding retreat. I rejoice. I did one on death about 8 years ago at that time when I was at Tharpaland I thought, "this place will be gone soon" how things change.

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  3. Nice advice.Ive been contemplating the bow string analogy with regard to my own practice of late.Too tight,too loose with regard to my effort(or lack of it).Just right and we hit the target..to keep the metaphor.However,I like the 'feather' idea very much...very in tune with the mind's movement before it can settle and gently allow the object to abide...Thanks

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