Kathi's Service

Yesterday I attended Kathi's memorial service in Seattle, at University Lutheran Church, which she had attended with her partner, Jon. It was lovely, with many fond remembrances of Kathi. The program included a beautiful photo of her with the sound in the background, reminding us that she loved the water (and used to race sailboats). The biography on the back noted that "Kathi's passion was primarily for the people she touched: students, colleagues, friends and family," many of whom were in attendance, and that "She taught respect the the differences and similarities of all people, local and global."

The pastor, Ron Moe-Lobeda, spoke a lot about love and compassion, and there were several references that included patience, meekness, and humility and other qualities we are all trying to cultivate. (I asked him about the difference between meekness and humility, because I think of them as the same thing, and he explained that meekness means non-violence.)
Other speakers included Kathi's sister Julie, who talked about how much she'd always admired her oldest sister, who taught her how to use orange-juice cans as hair rollers to get the appropriate poofiness in a hairdo, and who always had "strong leadership qualities" (which some might see as bossiness).

Because Gen Khedrub was leading an offsite meditation retreat, Jon asked me to do a brief Buddhist reading. My first reaction, when I finally picked up his message Thursday night, was fear, thinking that I am not a public speaker and have had no practice in years. But I was relating to the memory of an old self, B.D. (before Dharma). It was a bit like the analogy of the residual smell of garlic that remains in the garlic jar long after all the garlic is gone. Thankfully for everyone, I am a much different person than I used to be, and it is quite clear where any good qualities I now have come from. (Hint: It is not me - it is someone who has innumerable admirable qualities that I try to imitate.)
Relying on my Guru, the reading of Kathi's favorite passage in How to Solve Our Human Problems about patient acceptance, went fine. Afterward several people said they appreciated that teaching. I'm sure some of them were just being polite, but others expressed a deeper interest, and I wished that I'd had more copies of the book to give away. I did remind them of the title and gave them the business card for the free download of Modern Buddhism.

Please continue making prayers for Jon, sisters Lisa and Julie, brother David, and her 80-something parents, who could not make the journey to Seattle. May they find some comfort in their grief. Thankfully Jon's whole family was there and is in the area to continue to support him. His Lutheran community is also very warm and giving. After a month or so, it's common for everyone else to forget about it and get on with their lives while those who were closest to her will go on grieving.