Bone Ache = Good

Backtracking to tell you about last week.
When I noticed some aching in my hips on a walk last week, my first thought was , "Uh oh - maybe the cancer's moved into my bones." I had a bit of concern, which faded away and I forgot about it until I was at the doctor's office the next day and the nurse asked if I had any bone pain. "Yes," I said, "how'd you know?" She explained that was a good sign: It mean the Neupogen was helping my bone marrow produce more white blood cells.

It reminded me that we don't always recognize good conditions. We tend to think pain is always to be avoided. Unless we're Lojong practitioners, we think suffering has nothing but bad qualities. And we think cancer is a bad thing.
When I was first diagnosed, I had some level of acceptance - that this was my karma ripening, and if I kept a happy mind that negative karma would be purified. But I didn't welcome it wholeheartedly, and I didn't give up "the idea that things should be other than what they are." Even intellectually I wondered how it could be better to have cancer. Now more and more I can see the benefits. To name just one: it's a "real-life" death meditation that gives my practice a kick in the pants. (There'd be even more benefit if you used my cancer to put some "oomph" into your own meditation on death and impermanence - come visit my mountain : )

As it says on the Kadampa webpage about Dorje Shugden, "If we rely sincerely upon Dorje Shugden, he will arrange the conditions that are most conducive for our Dharma practice, but these will not necessarily be the ones that we ourself would have chosen! Dorje Shugden will bless our minds to help us transform difficult situations into the spiritual path ..."
I try to see every situation in my life as manifested by my Spiritual Guide for my training. I try to think, "What is this teaching me? How can I make use of this?" Over time I'll write more about what I'm getting out of this experience.

You may still be a bit skeptical about all this "cancer is good" talk, so I'm going to include some other voices. When I was looking for more information about the IP chemo, the best info I found was an online discussion/support group for women with ovarian cancer. Recently there was a discussion where several people talked about how cancer had improved their lives and made them better people.
A few excerpts:
"As much as I hate cancer and would strangle it senseless if it were something I could wrap my mitts around, I have to say... I wouldn't change my experience for anything. It made me who I am today and I do believe it's for the better."
"I know I have much more compassion for people who are suffering than I did before ..."
"I'm so glad that if someone had to get cancer, it was me instead of someone I love......I know this may sound odd but..........I think cancer made me a better person."
"Ladies, I have to admit that 5 1/2 years ago when I was diagnosed with [ovarian cancer] --if I heard of anyone saying Cancer has changed my life for the better I really wanted to punch them or say "what kind of life did you have?" But over the years I can say I agree with all comments--cancer brings your life into perspective of what is really important ..."