In Eight Steps to Happiness Geshe-la says "'Self' and 'other' are relative terms, rather like 'this mountain' and 'that mountain ... 'This' and 'that' therefore depend upon our point of reference. This is also true of self and other. By climbing down the mountain of self, it is possible to ascend the mountain of other, and thereby cherish others as much as we presently cherish ourself."

Friday, December 6, 2013

Latest Health Update: I Am Good

That is, my body is good : ) Last week I came down with a cold: cough, sore throat, additional fatigue, general feeling of lousiness. Then it seemed to develop into a head cold, with that fuzzy-headed feeling. As time went on, though, I developed uncertainty about whether the stuff in my head might be something more serious. I also fell inexplicably, off a level curb onto the level street, as I was headed to my car. I came within a foot or two of bashing my head into my bumper, but fortunately that didn't happen. I was shaken up and puzzled. A fall can be a warning sign of a brain tumor, and I was having some other symptoms, including headaches, which I don't have very often. In fact, on Tuesday morning when I woke up, I had what felt like the same headache, in the same place, as the one that lead to the diagnosis of my brain metastasis. I'll admit I was scared: My joke was that "it was all in my head," hoping that meant it was psychosomatic rather than tumor. My worst fear in terms of cancer is something malign in my head that isn't treatable. I know my brain is part of my body, but am not confident I am a strong enough practitioner for my mind to overcome damage to my brain. It makes me think about the relationship between the brain and the mind.

Wednesday I got an MRI scan of brain , and Dr K called after 8 that evening to tell me to see my radiation oncology, Dr V, to interpret the results. I was initially relieved that there wasn't a tumor, but then realized it could be something worse, like the diffuse leptomeningeal disease the docs discovered in 2011 in my brain a few months after the tumor. Dr V's the one who gave me the targeted brain radiation (cyberknife) after my brain surgery in 2010 and designed the whole-brain radiation to treat the leptomeningeal stuff. She spent a lot of time with us, narrating various slides of my brain MRI, not just the most recent one, but the one before that, plus the ones in 2010 and 2011. Dr V also went over the written report word by word. Her expert conclusion was that my brain is fine. Nothing on any of the MRI to be concerned about. It was so reassuring.

Getting a same-day appointment with her is another story of an obstacle removed by my kind Protector Buddha. I really needed an appointment that day to find out what was going on, but when I called her office, I was told she wasn't in the office until Monday. She had a colleague I could see, however. I must have sounded disappointed, because then the scheduler said, "hold on a minute," and on return said, "Can you get out to Issaquah? She's working there today." You bet! Not only is Dr V highly regarded as a doctor (I think she oversaw the radiation treatments for my neurosurgon, Dr Foltz, who she said would go from a cyberknife treatment to the OR.), but she is a warm human being: She gave me a hug when she arrived and gave both of us hugs when she left.

Also had a CT of my abdomen, which is stable, showing just 2 very small tumors that keep getting smaller, in places that aren't dangerous. Also bloodwork was fine.

I still need to fill you in on installment 3, but also need to catch up with my life, such as figuring out the health-insurance thing.

By right now I gotta run ...

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