Saying "Yes"

When I was in college, a close friend used to use the expression "saying yes" to things she liked. For example, she'd say a new favorite song or a thought-provoking book were "yeses." Things that were really good were "big yeses."
For me, finding Kadampa Buddhism has been a huge "yes."

I'd spent years searching. In particular, I wanted to know why there was suffering and how to help other people. I used to have a pet theory that different people are drawn to different religions and philosophies according to what they see as the essential questions. Unlike a lot of people, I wasn't particularly interested in what happens after you die.

I tried reading the Bible and becoming a Christian, as my family was what I'd call nominally Episcopalian, but I couldn't make the leap of faith. I wanted to say "yes" but couldn't.
I've always appreciated that Buddhism doesn't require a leap: You can take baby steps. You don't have to dive in the deep end - you can just dip your toe in. I love that there are so many entry points in Kadampa Buddhism, so many ways to start, from Prayers for World Peace on Sundays to Food for Thought; from Lunchtime Meditation to Urban Retreats. It's like a smorgasbord - take what you like, try a bite of something new, come back for more of whatever appeals.

I've always appreciated that Demo - before she was Demo, much less Gen Demo, Teacher at the Temple in Florida - let me join Foundation Program even though I hadn't been to very many General Program classes. In those days, the GP classes were held at the Friends Center because the house that was Vajralama Center was too small. There was a special vibe at Vajralama that even I, who am not very intuitive that way, could feel.

When I attended my first class at the Center, I felt anxious and uncomfortable. No one said "hello" to me, because I gave off such a negative vibe. Yet I felt a sense of "shelter" - that was the way I thought of it. And I didn't yet know the concept of refuge. (For a long time, Vajralama Center would have an annual class about refuge that was called "Shelter from the Storm.") I felt like I'd been on a road walking, out in the elements, for a very long time, and that I could finally get some rest.

The first teaching I heard there was that each of us is holding a burning stick of suffering, but that Buddha can show us how to let go of it. At that point, the solution didn't even matter to me - I felt like someone was finally telling me the truth. No one else seemed to want to acknowledge suffering or death, much less suggest that everyone could be permanently released from them.

I realize that many people associate saying "yes" with a marriage proposal : ) I will just say that I am in it for the long term. I pray to "never turn away / even for an instant."