There's nothing in my brain but a few cancerous "nodules" in my abdomen. My trusted oncologist recommended I get chemo again, so Tuesday morning I am going to get the same regimen I did before: 3 weeks on, 1 week off, for probably 4 months. The first week is the double whammy, where I'll get 2 chemo drugs and spend the whole day in the clinic (the one drug can be hard on your kidneys, so they like to spend much of the day giving fluids via IV). The other 2 chemo weeks will be just the Taxol chemo, and the infusion will go much faster.
I thought my doc might go for different chemo drugs, but his reasoning was that they worked before, and I tolerate them pretty well. He's optimistic it will put me in remission again. I'm optimistic too, especially when I consider the other factors (prayers, purification, diet, etc.)
Today my Lamrim meditation was on Exchanging Self with Other, and I kept it in mind most of the day. It really does protect me: When I'm thinking about others, I'm not pitying myself, worrying about myself, and so I'm not suffering. Some time I'll have to write more about how cherishing others helped cure me of my social anxiety.
The last couple of weeks I've been contemplating what Longku calls his "meat jacket." No, it's not the Lady Gaga outfit - it's your body. It reminds me that my body is not me. It is outside - outside my mind. I find that very comforting.
It's been a long day (waited more than an hour for my doctor; just got home from my exam). Ta-ta for now.
Thank you always for your support.
~M.
In Eight Steps to Happiness Geshe-la says "'Self' and 'other' are relative terms, rather like 'this mountain' and 'that mountain ... 'This' and 'that' therefore depend upon our point of reference. This is also true of self and other. By climbing down the mountain of self, it is possible to ascend the mountain of other, and thereby cherish others as much as we presently cherish ourself."
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mimi....words fail me..you are in my prayers each and every day! i too have been meditating on my body as not my body, a form not other than emptiness...
ReplyDeletemay you be at ease today, hazel.
Mimi...i wish all of us could have this strength and determination,every single moment in our lives experiences ...having the fortune to find this perfect spiritual path...and take it to practice in this ephemeral and unique opportunity.may all of us find that we abide in a dream...and that we have this precious opportunity to awakening from it....
ReplyDeleteYou are a wonderful example. I love this line: "When I'm thinking about others, I'm not pitying myself, worrying about myself, and so I'm not suffering." I received some bad news myself yesterday and am trying to practice it. Meantime, may I remind you that you promised me an article for Kadampa Life?!!
ReplyDeleteThank you all.
ReplyDeleteLucy, thanks for the reminder about the article. I think I have to give myself a deadline.
Would you send me an email about your news?
~M.