Questions and Answers

Dear ones,

Many of you are asking wonderful, insightful questions by email and in person. Boswell has been answering your questions individually, and thought it would be helpful to everyone to post those answers here. Leave more questions in the comments or send them via Boswell-mail: rebecca-dot-lafond-at-gmail.com.

How is Mimi doing?
Mimi's health is pretty much the same since the last post three days ago. Her status probably won't change suddenly, it'll be more of a gradual decline - more on that below. If any sudden changes occur, they'll be posted asap here. This blog server seems to take several hours to send out updates by email, so you might want to check the blog link regularly. You will hopefully see at least a brief update every three or four days. Always, always feel free to email Boswell at any time. You may not receive a long reply, but the more detailed your question is, the more likely you'll get a detailed answer. If you don't hear back within a day, it's totally ok to send another message. Your caring and concern are appreciated!

What spiritual practice is Mimi relying on?
Right now Mimi is especially drawn to Avalokiteshvara and Vajrayogini. Tech-savvy friends have created recorded loops of mantra recitations (OM MANI PÄME HUM and the three-OM mantra) to be played when Mimi's physical and mental activity decline further. From Boswell's perspective, Mimi also seems to be relying on the minds of patient acceptance and cherishing others that she has developed over her years of Buddhist practice and her cancer journey. You can read all about her experience with this on other blog posts. As mentioned in the post prior to this one, Offering to the Spiritual Guide was a particularly energizing practice for Mimi at the beginning of this week. Perhaps another puja will happen here again on August 10th.

Can I come visit Mimi?
Of course! As reported in the last blog post, Mimi's energy is up and down. A few times over the last couple of weeks a visit has had to be rescheduled because she was too worn out to receive visitors. But even though they might not have a chance to see Mimi, visitors are nonetheless most welcome! (The best way to set that up is to send an email to rebecca.lafond@gmail.com.) Kind local friends have been stopping by to help with chores and provide respite care so that Richard can have breaks. Family members are here from out of town this weekend and next week to visit and help. Even if you're not able to be here in person, there is nonetheless a very important way for you to help! Here's what Mimi asked for in a group email she sent a few weeks ago after receiving her prognosis: "Please pray that I continue to have a peaceful mind throughout this dying process, deeply connected to Geshe-la at my heart."

What is Mimi's prognosis?
In the same email quoted above, Mimi says, "Apparently I've come to the last lap of this current 'race' (but not at all at a fast pace for me)." One could read that last part in parentheses in a couple of different ways. It's true that Mimi is spending quite a bit of time in physical inactivity as the cancer and side effects of medications drain her energy, and when she does get up she definitely doesn't move very fast. But she also doesn't seem to be heading very quickly toward the deadline (pardon the gallows humor) she received from her doctor. Five-and-a-half years ago, Mimi was first diagnosed with and treated for leptomeningeal disease, or cancer of the brain lining, which is commonly considered to be a marker of end stage cancer. Mimi's doctors have been astounded by the amazing good health she's experienced over the last 5+ years. (In fact, they call her a medical miracle, to which Mimi's response in a 2013 blog post is, "That probably isn't technically correct: I don't think I've ever heard any Buddhist use the word 'miracle,' but maybe I can get away with 'miraculous' as in extraordinary, as in emanated by the Buddhas.") It seems that her latest prognosis is not at all a departure from the miraculous story of Mimi's cancer adventure. Today is close to the approximate day Mimi was given for when she could expect her life to end, and she's still full of vitality and love! Ordinary prognoses don't appear to apply here - prayers and Mimi's mind of faith have truly worked to sustain her.

What happens next?
As mentioned above, Mimi's health will probably continue on the gradual (very gradual) decline it's been on over the last few weeks. Now that pain and other physical symptoms are under control, there probably won't be any further medical emergencies to contend with. If symptom control becomes an issue, there's a very responsive hospice team only a phone call away, and the hospice nurse provided an arsenal of medications to help with common end-of-life symptoms. The hospice social worker provided a booklet called Gone from My Sight: the Dying Experience, written by award-winning hospice nurse Barbara Karnes. The booklet describes the physical changes that can be expected during the dying process. If you're interested, the booklet can be downloaded in Kindle or purchased on Amazon, and you can also find helpful information at Barbara Karnes' website. Boswell has also been reading a book called Final Journeys by long-time hospice nurse Maggie Callanan, which uses real-life (real-death?) examples of hospice patients to highlight important end-of-life considerations and issues. This book is also available on Kindle/Amazon, or you can link to it here.


Hope this is helpful and that you enjoy this quote from a humorous post by Mimi from a few years ago: "It's kinda fun, and interesting, to write about yourself in the 3rd person. I've never thought of this before in terms of writing, but it seems useful as another way of looking at the emptiness of our self. We commonly, instinctively, think of ourself in the 1st person, as me or I. So what happens when we put ourself into a character of she or he? It's a bit like becoming That Mountain, looking back at This Mountain. You see yourself from the outside, as others might view you, but of course everyone's view is different."

Portugal Festival Website

In case you didn't see this, there 's a new website for the Fall Festival in Portugal with Geshe-la, which has lots of info about accommodations, etc. Deciding where you want to stay looks a bit complicated, so you may want to read it beforehand.

Note that registration opens Feb 25, but no time is specified yet.

NKT Video of Latest Developments

A really good summary of the latest developments: Nice photos of Special Teacher Training Program, commercial centers around the world, new retreat center on Minorca, Portugal Temple photos, Chinese edition of Modern Buddhism (already sold out!), public talks all over China, study groups in coffeeshops in China, many photos of kids at Tara school, children's books coming next month, and news of Portugal Festival with Geshe-la.

http://kadampa.org/en/news/article/amazing-video/

Also, the Portugal website is up and says registration opens next Feb and has an FAQ.
http://kadampafestivals.org/fall-2013
Hope to see you there.

Donation Request to Help Sangha

Below is an email from Kadam Olivier, who as many of you know directs the Festival plays and is now working on the Kadampa movie of the life of Buddha Shakyamuni. I personally know Kelsang Chokyi to be a beautiful example of a Kadampa and would like her to be able to continue focusing on spreading Dharma around San Diego.
Because tomorrow is Je Tsongkhapa Day, a very special holiday in the NKT calendar, it would be especially auspicious to donate then; even a small amount would be multiplied in terms of the merit you receive. As Kelsang Tubchen said in regard to this request, "the analogy of many drops of water filling the bowl comes to mind" and I would like to add a drop. Please help fill the bowl if you wish.

Hi everyone which are very dear to me.

I would like to ask you for some help.

I would like to be able to help some Sangha friends, whom helped me very much and got suddenly in a very tough financial situation.

Last summer, in England, we were preparing some tests for the movie of the Life of Buddha, a little filming crew of twenty people, all Kadampas, volunteering without budget.

Members of our team went to another town to get some equipment that was kindly lent to us. They borrowed the rented car from a friend of the Summer Festival. In many countries, anyone driving a rented car is also covered by the insurances, which covered the car, not only the people on the contract. In England, it is not like this: it only for the names on the contract!

My friends got suddenly hit by a truck! Through an incredible good fortune, they got out safely from… the completely wrecked car. Instantaneously they were in debt of £8,752 or $US 14,000 towards the renting company! A nun and resident teacher in San Diego, Kelsang Chokyi, and the Admin Director of KMC Spain, David Tudela. Both do not work outside their centres, but have devoted their life to spreading Kadam Dharma, only for a small sponsorship. So they don’t have the resources to pay back this debt themselves, unless they would have to leave their responsibilities.

Amongst many in the film crew, we gave ourselves the goal of each to find 20 people who could give £20 ($30) and like this we could easily pay back this debt. How amazing is the power of the Sangha!

Some of you might only be able to £3, €4 or $5, and some other more. Any amount is so beneficial.

I’ll give as much as I could. I would like to invite you to help me to find £437 or $700 or even more! I know that for some of us, it might be more difficult to gather £437 amongst their friends!

The simplest is to own a PayPal account, so that you can transfer the amount in Pounds that you wish… £20 is $US 32. You can click here to access the Funds for Car Accident

I am addressing also to you to help me find more benefactors through your circles of Sangha friends, please! Please do forward this message! This is not a NKT fundraising as it is to help individuals, Kadampa friends, but we did, of course,  check with the NKT. If we would raise beyond the debt, the extra money would be given to the International Temple Fund.

I really want to thank you from the bottom of my heart and wish you all the best results from a sincere practice of giving!

With gratitude,
Kadam Olivier

Elderly Driving

This post is another one of those public-service announcements that has no Dharma and may not be of interest to you unless you have an aging parent who maybe shouldn't be driving a car anymore, in which case I urge you to read this.
I've been reading a book called "A Bittersweet Season: Caring for Our Aging Parents - and Ourselves" and will probably post later about how it's deepened my understanding of the sufferings of aging. One small but critical section if you're in this situation is about dealing with a parent who is unfit to drive, or is headed that way soon.

"Some of the stories recounted in news reports, by friends and colleages and on my own blog and others are chilling. An 86-year-old man at the farmers' market in Santa Monica confused the brake with the accelerator and mowed down 73 people, killing 10 of them, including a 3-year-old. [One of my Sangha who works with the elderly said it's common for older people to confuse those pedals in the car and get in an accident.] A woman with early-stage dementia at an assisted living facility near Clearwater, FL, on her regular drive to the nearby grocery store, mistook a boat ramp for the continuation of the roadway and drove into the Intracoastal Waterway, drowning in her car. After a fall, a woman drove herself to the doctor, who said not a word about her method of getting there; on the way home she had a collision at a gas station, injuring several people and avoiding an explosion at the pumps only because of the fast intervention of the station's attendants. ... An old man driving the wrong way on the interstate caused a 3-car accident that killed a much younger man headed to work, a mother and 3 children, and himself. Another old man abruptly cut in front of a truck in a blinding rain, causing the truck to swerve. The 4-vehicle accident left 1 couple dead and a child in a vegetative state."

Because it's such a loss, older seniors are often reluctant to give up driving, and families often won't confront them. Another Sangha friend was in this situation, and her siblings didn't want to challenge their Dad, who has a form of dementia. She stepped up but became the target of a lot his anger.

As it says in the AARP online seminar about talking with older drivers:
"It is more important to avoid crashes or death than to avoid unpleasant topics.
Do not postpone the conversation because you fear the reaction or worry about the responsibilities you will have to assume.
If you have a valid safety concern, it is better to start having conversations than to wait. Hurt feelings are a normal part of the process. When they emerge, stay calm, acknowledge them, try to become as informed as possible and focus on using productive discussions to defuse any negative emotions."

Resources:
AARP 10 Signs That it's Time to Limit or Stop Driving
AARP Talking with Older Drivers
AMA Older Driver Safety